Getaway

So looks like it has been another month without posting, and I am definately feeling it mentally. There is so much going on in my head right now that I will prolly forget half of it while posting. Thats just the story of my life, or at least part of it. I have been feeling so overwhelmed lately, especially in the past few days. As most of you know, a new month started a week ago. June seemed to go really well, or so I thought. Doc and I were getting along very well. She was very helpful, yet fun to be around. She was very knowledgeable, yet open to jokes and sarcasm. She would give me tips in a friendly manner instead of criticism. Or at least I thought that's how the month went. Today I found out some other news, but I'll get more into that later in this post.

As I said previously, the new month's schedule started a week ago. This means its my last month of my first full doctor rotation. This doctor and I haven't had a lot of interaction, so I wasn't sure how the first few days would go. Let's just say they didn't go as well as the first few days with the other 3 doctors. The first day was a little shaky, but it always is. It takes time getting the routine down since each doctor has their own way of doing things. Anyways, there were 3 times last week that got me into trouble, and I'm still not exactly sure how. Maybe someone out there can help me make sense of each situation.

1. A fellow tech wrote me a note accusing me of leaving at the end of the day without asking if anyone needed help. In my defense, I asked everyone but her because someone asked her when I was standing right there and she said no. I checked with my doctor and she was fine. I checked with everyone up front and they were fine. I checked with all other techs and they were fine. Yet she accused me of leaving without checking with anyone. Apparently she is specialer than everyone else in the clinic.

2. I got in trouble for not knowing anything about fluid therapy. So even though I have properly set-up several fluid therapy machines and properly calculated fluid rates and properly connected them to patients, I don't know anything about fluid therapy. The actual scenario: there was a machine beeping "occlusion" that was connected to a very angry kitty. I checked the machine and there were no blockages so I set it to start-up again. A few mins later it started beeping again. Normally, you were disconnect it from the patient. I tried and was almost attacked, so I simply stopped the machine. And then what happens? I get yelled at by the same tech with accusations from scenario 1 and accused of not knowing fluid therapy. So I guess she wanted me to get eaten alive by an angry kitty. Nice to know that I'm appreciated at the clinc.

3. And that brings us to the last scenario. The same tech was involved, but this time she was the teacher and my doc was angry with me. We had a frisky cat to be spayed that we couldn't get an iv catheter in, so we had to box the kitty down to intubate and place a catheter. I have never boxed down a cat before. We had one chance to do it in school, and there were no kitties that week so we watched a video. I never had the chance to assist during my internship. The doctor almost had a cow right then and there when she heard that I've never boxed down a cat before. The doctor also shot down my self-esteem when intubating the dog we were spaying later that day. So that made me feel so much better about myself (sarcasm). I am stressed-out enough on my surgery day, and it doesn't help when my doctor has no confidence in me.

So that's my 3 horrible scenarios of last week, the week from hell. And that brings us to today, the day I had a meeting with the head tech at the clinic. When she called me into the meeting room, I knew she was going to ask how everything was going so far. What I didn't know was that she was going to confront me on those scenarios. So my self-esteem is now shot at work, especially when it comes to surgery days. The doctor I was with last month went to the head tech claiming I'm not trained well enough in surgery and anesthesia. The doctor this month claimed that I know nothing about monitoring equipment. I'm sorry if my school wasn't good enough for more than an EKG and pulse oximeter. My school didn't have a blood pressure monitor that worked. And up until 2 weeks ago, all we had working at the clinic was the EKG. It's not my fault that no one in the clinic took me up on the offer of helping me in the past few months. I am not afraid to ask for help, but no one shows me how to do things. Everyone just does it for me, so how am I supposed to learn? I don't ask people to do things for me. I ask for them to help me and give me their tips and advise. Yet in the long run, I get in trouble. And now, if I don't get my act together, I will lose my job. Isn't that a great way to start the week? As if I don't have enough stress in my life already. Long story short, on top of being on "probation," I am living with my parents--one of which [my mom] hates the world and lets everyone know it, and the other [my dad] is trying to ween himself off of oxy which hes been taking for his shoulder since december==who hate each other pretty much all the time, and I have no friends in the area, not to mention free time away from work or home just for myself. I have always tried my hardest to keep my work life and personal life separate, but after today it all hit me. I had a mini breakdown while talking to the head tech. I feel bad because she thought it was just work-related. I didn't have the strength to tell her about my personal life. Anyways, hopefully things with get better. I figure the only thing that will make it worse is losing my job, so it can't get much worse. So if anyone out there has any advice, feel free to pass it along. Thanks in advance!